It looks like you are just as conflicted as I am with my wedding dilemma. I’m still debating. This friend is a good friend, but not a great friend. We live in the same city but only see each other occasionally, and have gone years without speaking (not for any reason other than distance). Really, I think if we weren’t living in the same city, we just wouldn’t be in touch. Don’t get me wrong, I really like her, and she’s a great person. But she’s not my best friend from forever. I agree though, if this were someone I was super super close to, I would be spending the money without question.
They are having a reception here later this summer for all their friends who couldn’t attend the wedding, so they clearly realize that not a lot of people will be able to attend.
A big part of it for me is also the time. I can’t get additional time off work, so it would be about 18 hours of travel total for not a whole lot of time there. I know that’s a bit selfish, but the idea of that much wasted time just makes me cringe.
Right now, there’s a chance I won’t be able to get that Friday off work (office policy change again), which would make the entire conversation moot. If I have to work all day Friday, there are no flights to get me there in time for the wedding on Saturday. It’s a little frustrating, but at the same time, it would solve my dilemma.
I change my answer. If she’s not that good of a friend and there will be a reception later in the summer, don’t go.
If there’s going to be a reception later, do that. Explain that you can’t get the Friday off work. It’s going to be expensive and a pain, why not just fuzz the details. If you say you can’t get Friday off, you’re technically correct. But she’ll assume you actually asked. So no hard feelings all around.
I feel like anyone who has their wedding somewhere inconvenient for some guests totally understand when people don’t come. Our wedding is very inconvenient for many of our old friends, and I have no hard feelings towards anyone who doesn’t spend the time/money to come. I don’t WANT them to feel like the “have to” come, even if they would enjoy it once they were here.
Especially since there is a reception later, let yourself off the hook and explain sincerely that it is just too difficult, and write a really nice wedding card with your gift.
That’s what I’d want a friend to do!
Send a lovely gift and a heartfelt card. The only explanation required is “Sorry I couldn’t make it, but here’s to____________________ (insert something that you would say in a toast.)