Counting My Pennies » family

Perspective

Megan — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 12:52:45 +0000

My roommate is officially moving out as of the end of the month.

For all intents and purposes, she’s already gone now. She’s just got a few things left in the house. She had planned to move out at the end of the year, but due to a family crisis, needed to leave a month early.

It’s nice having my space back, but I’m going to miss the extra income, and I’m going to miss having someone else around, even with all of the frustrations of sharing my space.

But even with all the talk of money lately, with the proposals floating around Congress that will hurt my financial situation as a federal employee, with all the talk of the 99% and people occupying various cities, I have trouble bringing myself to care.

In the next few weeks, my roommate is going to lose someone very important to her, someone who will die decades before their time.

And that puts everything into perspective and reminds me just how lucky I am.

Medical Expenses

Megan — Mon, 10 May 2010 19:40:00 +0000

Well, I guess it was inevitable. I can no longer access my blog at work. Don’t worry, taxpayers. I wasn’t blogging on work time, but often spent my lunch break drafting up posts. I suppose that’s still an option, if I just email the posts to myself and then post them later, but my track record for that sort of thing is pretty sketchy.

So for now, I can post from my phone. Exciting.

I have been waiting to post about this until I knew more and until my friends knew what was up. I’ve been going through some health issues as of late. I am pretty sure it boils down to allergies, stubborn fluid buildup in my ears, and stress, but it has meant a trip to the ER (I got dizzy at work and that is the standard office response – and it meant missing PF Blogger Happy Hour), a myriad of tests, and some various medications.

So far, it looks like I’m fine. But it has made me do a ton of thinking. Of course, all these tests aren’t free, and while I have insurance, it will cost me a pretty penny, but I can’t bring myself to care. In fact, to try to destress and ignore my upcoming MRI, yesterday I hit up the bookstore and bought a new release, something I rarely do.

The thought of being sick has really reinforced just how far I am from my family. I am not planning to move anytime soon, but I really understand why one of my friends left a sweet job in a fun city to move back to her hometown after her dad had a major health scare. But it has made me realize how great my friends are. I had a friend sit with me through my MRI which was awesome. (Note to anyone freaked out by an MRI – having someone sit in the room with their hand on your ankle hemps incredibly.) So far, the tests have all come back clear, meaning that its probably just allergies and stress. But it has reinforced what is really important in life.

Equal Knowledge

Megan — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 13:48:26 +0000

This morning, I read an article about women and money. I won’t link it here, but the basic point was “Women usually let the men in their lives take care of the finances, and there are things they should know.” I have to admit, I felt the whole concept was condescending, but at the same time, it’s probably true, especially for a certain generation. While I believe my grandparents share the responsibilities, or at least the information, I’m sure that wasn’t true for their whole lives (they’re in their mid-80′s). I know many of my grandmother’s female friends have no idea about their family finances.

Of course, the idea goes both ways. Frequently in a household, one partner takes care of the bills. It’s probably easier if one person takes control of the financial situation, but control doesn’t mean that they keep all of the knowledge as well. Men and women should both know the basics of their financial situation. What are the bills and how do they arrive and how are they paid? What sort of investments exist and are they for retirement or are they other investments?

Now, especially when you’re young, you don’t want to have to think about the possibility that you or your spouse/partner might die, but that’s not the only reason to be sure everyone knows the financials. What happens if one partner gets sick and lands in the hospital? You don’t want to miss bills because you didn’t know to pay them.

In general, I think that you should know the basics of your financial situation. Maybe one partner decides they want to be willfully ignorant about how much real estate tax they pay. I suppose that’s fine, as long as the other partner ensures the payments are made. I think a good plan is to keep a list of the basic bills – be they monthly, quarterly, yearly, whatever, and approximately how much each one costs. (This is something I do just for budgeting purposes. If I pay $600 in car insurance every six months (I don’t, I just chose $600 for ease of math), then each month, I should set aside $100, so that when the bill comes, I’m ready. ) By keeping this sort of a list, both partners can be aware of the financial responsibilities and have a bit of a cheat sheet if they should ever need it.

In addition, it’s never a bad idea to create a list of all the accounts each partner has – be it credit cards, bank accounts, retirement accounts, or other accounts. It seems like a lot of information, and it is. But it saves a lot of stress should the list ever be needed. And you just hope that it isn’t needed for a good number of years.

Olympic Fever

Megan — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 11:00:03 +0000

Is anyone else sad that the Olympics are over? I found myself watching more sports over the past few weeks than normal, like most people, I think.

I think my new favorite sport is the winter biathlon. Cross country skiing combined with rifle shooting? Awesome. Ski really hard, then stop and shoot at a target. Miss, and you have to ski a lap. Someone said that a good way to try to approximate just how hard it is to shoot after all that skiing is to go for a run, stop mid-run and try to send a text message (without using auto correct). With all that adrenaline pumping, it’s hard to stay still and aim correctly. Besides, it’s really the only sport that’s also a survival skill.

This year, P&G based their ad campaign around Olympic Moms. I believe they had something setup in Vancouver for all the US Olympians and their families, but the commercials were all about mothers of Olympians. It was sweet, and as part of their coverage, they interviewed moms and asked them about the sacrifices made for their children’s training. It was amazing what some of these families have been through – parents living apart so one parent can be with the training child, spending thousands and thousands of dollars on coaching and lessons and costumes and competitions. It was amazing.

I think every parent thinks their kid is the best, but listening to how much money these people were spending on their kids made me wonder how you know when to stop. Or if to stop. Clearly, all these athletes who made it to the Olympics definitely shouldn’t have stopped and have achieved a huge goal (even if they didn’t win). I found myself contrasting it with Toddlers and Tiaras, a ridiculous TLC show where parents pay crazy amounts of money for their kids to be in pageants. I know, it’s a totally different situation. Even if your kid turns out to not be a world class skier, just getting them outside and getting exercise is a positive thing. Plus it looks like fun.

I’m impressed by the families who have made such crazy sacrifices for their kids. But as the P&G commercials say, when those moms see their kids win, it’s worth every penny.

Family Finances

Megan — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 14:45:08 +0000

The office is a bit slow today, so my coworkers got into a big conversation about marriage (I think it may have started with Tiger Woods). That morphed into a conversation about family finances, and it was very eye opening.

One coworker thinks that when a couple gets married, each person should put a percentage of their income into the family accounts and then keep the rest for their own use. (He did admit that if one person is a high paid exec and the other person is a teacher or in some other profession where they’re making less, then that situation changes.) I’m a fan of that idea.

One coworker said that everything should be combined, no exceptions. I see the value in this, but I do think that in a relationship, couples need their own money. A few years back, my dad started getting an “allowance.” He knew that he was allowed to spend from the family fund, but felt guilty taking money from the family to buy something for himself. Now he has his own money, which makes him happy.

One coworker was raised that the husband pays for everything. That makes sense – if the wife is a stay-at-home mother. But this coworker (a female) thinks that the husband should always be the breadwinner for the family, no matter how much the wife makes. I thought that was fairly ridiculous and unfair.

Two coworkers then started debating the percentage idea as if they were married to each other (with no kids). What then qualifies as a family expense and what is a personal expense. If the husband wants a new tv that the whole family will use, is that out of his money or the family money? His reaction was that if it was out of his money then she wasn’t allowed to use it and he was taking the power cord with him when he left. I’m pretty sure he was joking, but it did open up some of the conflicts that could come up with separating finances. What about vacations? She said that if it was his idea to go on vacation, he should pay and he laughed. Clearly these two people should never get married.

It was interesting to hear these coworkers debate about finances and to see just how different everyone’s views are.

Money Awkwardness

Megan — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 10:00:20 +0000

My uncle, a musician, wants to buy me a guitar for Christmas. I’m really excited about this – I really really would love to have a guitar. And when he asked me what I liked, I gave him some general ideas, but stressed that while I wanted something that would sound good, I’m a relative beginner so I wanted something inexpensive, something I could upgrade in a few years if I wanted to.

He wanted me to go to a local guitar place and check out a few different shapes and styles to see what I liked the best. And suddenly, the gift became awkward.

When I gave him generics, I knew that I was still talking a pricey gift, but I could ignore the cost. Plus I figure he has all sorts of connections and could find something much cheaper than I could. But then I had to go to the store and see the price and then make a decision, knowing that he wants to get me something I want, but I needed to keep it in a reasonable price range.

I found one that seemed reasonable, but getting him the information just felt painfully awkward. “Hi, buy me this.” Even though that’s what he wanted me to do. Money and family is just awkward.

An awesome gift

Megan — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 10:00:19 +0000

I admit it. I’m all about the sentimental value. So I was really excited when my sister arrived this weekend with a gift from my mom that she told me about a few months back.

A couple of years ago, my mom decided to get a new wedding set. She took it in for a cleaning and discovered that some major repairs were needed so as not to lose the diamond. She loved the set, but really wanted it in yellow gold rather than white gold, so she decided that rather than have the repairs done, she would have the stone re-set in a new ring. Conveniently, she was able to get an identical set in yellow gold, and was very happy with the change.

But she held onto the old set. She wasn’t sure what to do with it, but she knew she didn’t want to get rid of it. It was her original wedding set after all, and held a lot of meaning.

I’m not sure how she figured out what to do with the rings, but she called me and asked me if I would wear a ring made from her old engagement band. Would I? Of course! I don’t wear a lot of jewelry, but I do wear rings every day, and I love the idea of wearing the ring that my dad gave to my mom when he proposed.

Conveniently, my sister’s working part-time at a jewelry store, so she took the rings into work and had the jeweler work his magic. She brought me my ring this weekend. It’s very simple, but I love it, and I can’t help but show it to everyone I see. I love it more than any new, expensive piece of jewelry she could have bought me.

And all because she decided to put to use something that she had shoved away in a drawer.

Learning to enjoy the time

Megan — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 10:00:59 +0000

As I’m writing this entry, it’s still Friday, and the weekend is getting closer and closer. I usually use the weekend to write and get ahead on posts, but this weekend, my sister is coming to visit, and I don’t want to have to take time to blog when I could be spending that time with her. I haven’t seen her since Christmas, and this is the first time she’s come to visit without another family member (and only the second time she’s visited ever).

At first, when I was making plans, I was thinking of all these great things we could do. Of course, in D.C., there are so many free museums and attractions that it would be easy to fill up a weekend and then some and never spend any money.

But then I realized that while she wants to do some touristy things, she really just wants to hang out. We don’t have to go do big things. We don’t have to make sure that every minute is filled. She said she’d be fine with just ordering pizza and watching movies. Some may say it’s a wasted trip, because she’s missing out on all the great things D.C. has to offer. I disagree, of course.

Sometimes, it’s important to remember to just enjoy the time you have with others (or the time you have to yourself) and not worry about making everything the best or the most fun or the most frugal.

Thoughtful, Inexpensive Gifts

Megan — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 10:00:45 +0000

Yesterday, one of my tasks was to mail my dad’s Father’s Day gift. He never needs a gift, of course, but for the past 8 years, I’ve been getting him the same exact thing.

A mix CD.

Okay, so it’s not really a mix CD anymore, since he just rips it to his computer and plays it in random order, taking away any hard work that might go into selecting the proper order for the music, but each year, I work to put together a CD of music that I think he will enjoy.

I locked myself into this in college. Two years in a row, I made him a CD for Father’s Day because I didn’t know what else to get him. I didn’t even realize I had done it until he commented how much he enjoyed it and looked forward to the next one. And the precedent was set. Sometimes I get him something else, but only if I see something that I know he will enjoy. Otherwise, he just gets the CD, which I think he likes the best anyway.

It’s become quite an operation to put together this set of music each year. I keep a playlist of songs that I think he will like and add to it throughout the year. It means that I have to listen to a lot of new music each year, but I can’t say that I mind all that much. It’s a thoughtful gift and very inexpensive.

I’m not sure what the CD cost, simply because I bought a package years ago. Easily under a dollar though. The envelope cost 99 cents. The card was the expensive part of this gift, at $2.99. Mailing was under $1.50. So for well under $10, I managed to give a gift that my dad will enjoy for years to come.

And now that 2009 is taken care of, it’s time to start hunting down music for next year’s CD.

Giving Financial Gifts to Family

Megan — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 10:00:25 +0000

There was an interesting Question and Answer on Slate the other day about helping family members who perhaps aren’t as financially stable. The asker is doing well, financially speaking, but some of her siblings are not, and some really struggle. She wanted to know how she should best help them out – according to their needs or everyone getting an equal amount.

First off, the key here is that the asker wants to help her family, she doesn’t feel obligated. It’s an iffy situation as to whether or not there’s any sort of obligation to help family in dire financial straits. I think it really depends on the situation, but here, she feels no obligation.

I like the answer. If you want to give money to family but aren’t sure how best to distribute, freedom from want of necessities should be the priority. Make sure people have food and shelter. After that, it’s up to you.

Family and money are very hard. My parents have always been all about fairness. When I was moving to D.C., my brother was in the process of buying a house, and my parents were helping him out with loans (which he has already paid back) and a small gift. I thought this was great, and so nice of them, and never worried about the fact that he was getting something I wasn’t. When my move was complete, my parents handed me a check equal to what they had given him, because that made it fair, and they knew that I had some big expenses with the move. It was incredibly nice of them, but definitely unnecessary. They just didn’t want to create any animosity (plus I think they liked that they could help me out a bit too).

Loaning money to family is always questionable, just because of the difficulties it can cause, so if possible, it’s always best if those loans are treated as gifts, or at least thought of as gifts (and then you can be happily surprised when your family member pays you back). And gifts can cause animosity between those receiving gifts and those not receiving gifts. But I would like to think that when a family member is struggling to buy food and another family member very kindly gifts them some money for groceries, that a third family member wouldn’t sulk because they didn’t get anything. But you just never know.