Counting My Pennies

Keeping Money Matters Quiet

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One of the reasons that I’ve decided to stay anonymous on my blog is because I have noticed that when it comes to money, people are very judgmental and opinionated about what you do with your money.  When that comes in the forms of comments here, I don’t mind.  I have voluntarily put this information out on the internet, so being judged is a risk that I take.
That’s different when it’s someone you know and see on a day-to-day basis, however.  I think I’m pretty honest on this blog, but I don’t want to blog in the morning about how I need to stick to my budget, and then have a coworker comment on that when they see me coming back from my favorite deli after lunch.  What if that lunch was in the budget?  Part of that also has to do with the fact that as a government employee, my coworkers all know how much money I make.  Most of us in the Executive Branch are paid on the General Schedule payscale, which involves a series of Grades and Steps.  The Grade is related to your position.  Where you fall in terms of Steps has to do with the years you have been in that position, and in some of the higher Grades, there can be a difference of $30k between Steps 1 and 10.  I know the Grades of all of my coworkers, and I can make an educated guess as to the step.  Since I just received a promotion, that drops me back down to Step 1 in my Grade which means that everyone I work with knows exactly how much I make, down to the dollar.
Of course, that doesn’t tell them the size of my paycheck.  They don’t know which insurance plan I chose or how much money I put into my retirement.  They also don’t know what sorts of monthly bills I pay every month.  But it still gives them a good window into my financial situation.
Now, that doesn’t mean that I’m not judgmental.  In fact, I find myself doing it all the time.  The coworker who complains that she can’t afford a nice birthday gift for her husband but makes three trips to Starbucks every day.  The friend who whines about the balance on her credit cards but goes and buys a fancy new camera anyway.  I can’t help but find myself thinking that perhaps these individuals should take a step back and analyze their situation.
But maybe that’s a slightly different situation.  I don’t think I would notice the Starbucks addict’s purchases if she wasn’t talking about her lack of money, and I wouldn’t question a friend’s new camera if she hadn’t mentioned her credit card debt.  Because what you choose to do with your money is your choice.  It’s why I’m not a fan of people who discuss the latte factor.  Sure, if you spend $5 on a latte every weekday, you’re suddenly out $100 a month.  But maybe you budget for that.  Maybe you cut out somewhere else.  Maybe you have friends and family giving you Starbucks cards all the time.  I’m in no position to judge.
I wish I could find a good way to turn my judgmental feelings into educational opportunities.  But really, there’s no good way to say “Hey, friend, I think you shouldn’t buy that camera, no matter how much you want it, because that will just increase your credit card balance and destroy the work you’ve done to get it paid off over the past few months.”  Somehow, I don’t think my good intentions would be well received.
Now I’m not trying to say that I’m perfect.  I budget and try to make smart spending choices, but sometimes I slip up, and sometimes I splurge, but I try to be mindful of all of these things.  And I do my best to not judge.
So that’s why I tend to stay quiet about financial matters around my friends and coworkers.  Of course, maybe a little judging would be good for me.  Maybe knowing that someone is watching my every move when I sneak out for the occasional afternoon coffee would prevent me from doing it in the first place.  But somehow, I don’t think that’s the best way to save.

Comments

  1. Fabulously Broke says

    Well said.

    It’s why I want to be Anon, IRL… (plus apparently I’m controversial) but I don’t mind posting everything online as a general “here’s what I did”

    I like the point about how you wouldn’t notice her latte factor if she didn’t complain about her cards — I find that whining draws attention to you, either pity or disgust. Neither is positive.

  2. tom says

    I think since those people complain about their situation, they open themselves up for criticism. It’s gets unbelieveably annoying when people are constantly b*tching about money while they sit there drinking a $5 latte. You don’t want to hear about it, I don’t want to hear about it, so let’s do something about it.

    We all do it though. I have a budget, an EF, etc. but I almost bought more house than I needed (by almost I mean lusting over it). I could afford it, but money would have been very tight. My wife likes to remind me about that everyday, especially when I complain that we went over our budget in one of our categories.

    I think everyone needs a reality check, but some more than others.

    Wow that was long :).

  3. FatCrat says

    Great post. Salary transparency is one of the strangest things about working for the government, and it’s one of those things that makes you a “public servant.”

    I’m collecting stories on life in government service at FatCratz.com, and would love to hear more folks weigh in on what this is like.

  4. J. Money says

    Nicely played my friend! We all sure do judge whether we mean to or not, but no sense in giving everyone firepower by handing out your dirty details all over the place 😉

    I just told some of my family this weekend, and so far so good! it’s the friends/co-workers that i’ll be steering clear from…

  5. Imee says

    Wow, this is a very relatable post. I really think this world is becoming more and more materialistic. With an economic slump like this, you’d think the opposite should be happening, but no… People still judge others because of financial problems regardless of the situation. That just sucks. And yeah, an occasional cup of coffee isn’t that bad, just don’t allow it to slowly wreck your finances. Good luck 🙂

  6. JoeTaxpayer says

    I agree.
    I’m seen in my office brown-bagging it, but then when I bought a nice car, I got ribbed for it, as though it was out of character. What’s wrong with picking and choosing? The money I save by brewing coffee at home helping to fund something that’s fun?

    I’d only open myself to more of that by coming out of the closet, blogwise.
    Nice site.
    Joe

  7. Healthy Amelia says

    Such an interesting topic! My blog isn’t anonymous. My friends and family all know about it and some read it. I haven’t shared it at work, though. For some reason, I’m just not comfortable with that. I don’t state exactly how much money I make, but I do share quite a bit. This does open me up to possible judgments, etc. but I just don’t care. I never claimed to be doing everything “the right way”. It’s just my way.

  8. MJ says

    I learned several years ago to keep quite about my finances. People now don’t know how much I am paid, don’t know where I put my money, and don’t know my financial opinions unless I am asked to share. Even then I may not share. I only know of one other friend that is truly a full on saver like myself, and he and I talk pretty openly, otherwise my blog is where I share with the world, anonymously of course. Am I seriously annoyed by friends, family, and other people’s decisions, heck ya, but they won’t hear it from me unless asked.

    Nice post…

  9. Cheapchick says

    I completely agree. To each his own. I find financial bloggers especially critical of others. My thought? Save where it doesn’t hurt so you can spend where you want to. And – if I wish to spend my hard earned bucks on a Latte so be it. I just managed to save 75.00 in coupons on my 150.00 grocery trip therefore I can now afford my Latte.

  10. eh438 says

    In my experience, those who complain are really asking to be told that it’s okay for them to spend indiscriminitely or asking to be forgiven for their excesses. Complaining is very different from worrying aloud…which is rarely spoken in work circles.

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