So I’m sure we all know someone who is currently out of work. Maybe they’ve been laid off, maybe they’re a recent grad still looking for a job. Maybe you’re one of those people.
My friends and I have been discussing the current unemployment level quite a bit. In a discussion among employed friends, we got on the subject of our unemployed family and friends. What do we owe those people? Do we owe them anything?
The conversation started when someone mentioned a friend who had agreed to let her sister live rent free for some time. The assumption was that the sister would help out around the house a bit and start paying small amounts of rent when she finally got a job. The sister got a part-time job to help fill her days while still looking for something more permanent… and has yet to pay any rent. Why? Well, her theory is that the homeowner would be paying the same for the room regardless of whether or not she was living in it. Also, I hear her housekeeping skills aren’t that great, but that’s another story.
The homeowner wondered whether or not she should make her sister pony up some cash or threaten to kick her out. Of course, she didn’t want to kick her out, knowing that she would struggle to find another place to live. We decided that was a tough situation all around but that the sister should at least be pitching in somewhere – maybe buying groceries or cooking dinner or something.
But then the conversations started. Someone had a friend who expected her to pick up lunch every time they went out – no matter who invited. Someone else had a roommate who never pitched in for groceries. And the question became – what do we owe these people who are out of work?
On some level, I think I would always let a friend crash on the couch – at least temporarily. Once that friend got some income, however, it would be time to pony up or move along. And if I knew someone was down on their luck, I might invite them over for dinner once a week. Or, if I had a washer and dryer, let them do laundry at my place rather than head to the laundromat.
I guess some of it is situational. While I would be happy to offer these things, I don’t know how I would feel if someone felt I owed it to them. And on that level, maybe I don’t actually owe these people anything. That just feels very selfish to say. Thoughts?
Megan is a 30-something government employee in the Washington, DC area. She got interested in Personal Finance when she got out of college and realized that her paycheck wasn’t going to go as far as she had hoped. Since starting this blog, she has managed to buy a house and make a solid start on her retirement goals, and hopes to help others do the same. Here is her story:
In 2007, I was a gainfully employed 20-something with no debt but not a lot of knowledge about personal finance. It was a co-worker’s comment about Roth IRAs that sent me to the internet, searching for information. It was then that I realized that I really didn’t know a whole lot about personal finance and that my current financial situation was due a lot to inherent frugal tendencies, generous family members, a fear of debt, and good luck. While that was working for me, clearly I needed a better plan.
While I had no debt, I was also pretty much living paycheck to paycheck and not worrying about going over budget (I say this as if I had a real budget) because I had an emergency fund set aside to cover any overages.
Except that’s not what an emergency fund is for.
So I did a lot of research, read a lot of blogs, and decided that I needed a plan. I needed to budget. I needed to know what I was spending my money on. I needed to prepare for the future.
I decided to create a blog not only to make myself accountable to others but also to share the knowledge that I gained along the way. I’ve learned so much from my fellow bloggers, and I hope that my readers can find something useful in what I have to share as well.
When I separated from my now ex-husband and moved back in with my parents as soon as I was receiving income either through benefits or employment I helped out. I helped with the utilities and bought quite a bit of the groceries. I had a not yet 1 year old and was pregnant with my second. To me, the fact that I had somewhere to live and had help was great and I wasn’t about to make them foot all of the bills for me and my kiddos, regardless of whether they wanted to or not.
Family makes the worst roommates, clients, bosses, business partners, etc. Avoid it at all costs IMO!
No, I don’t think that you owe anyone your help. That’s not to say that it’s not a good and generous thing to do, but you have no obligation to do so if you don’t want to. And for someone to feel like they are owed your help is just wrong.
There was one time in my life when I really needed help. I went to live with my mom for a few months and I was so incredibly grateful for that! I knew she didn’t have to do it. While I was there, I did everything I could to help out around the house (dishes, cleaning, etc.) and I bought groceries when I could (I wasn’t working). My goal was to make myself as little a burden as humanly possible.
It’s time that people learned that nobody is owed anything and we need to help ourselves before we expect someone else to do it for us. And when we do get help from someone, we need to show our gratitude and pass along the kindness.