It looks like you are just as conflicted as I am with my wedding dilemma. I’m still debating. This friend is a good friend, but not a great friend. We live in the same city but only see each other occasionally, and have gone years without speaking (not for any reason other than distance). Really, I think if we weren’t living in the same city, we just wouldn’t be in touch. Don’t get me wrong, I really like her, and she’s a great person. But she’s not my best friend from forever. I agree though, if this were someone I was super super close to, I would be spending the money without question.
They are having a reception here later this summer for all their friends who couldn’t attend the wedding, so they clearly realize that not a lot of people will be able to attend.
A big part of it for me is also the time. I can’t get additional time off work, so it would be about 18 hours of travel total for not a whole lot of time there. I know that’s a bit selfish, but the idea of that much wasted time just makes me cringe.
Right now, there’s a chance I won’t be able to get that Friday off work (office policy change again), which would make the entire conversation moot. If I have to work all day Friday, there are no flights to get me there in time for the wedding on Saturday. It’s a little frustrating, but at the same time, it would solve my dilemma.
Megan is a 30-something government employee in the Washington, DC area. She got interested in Personal Finance when she got out of college and realized that her paycheck wasn’t going to go as far as she had hoped. Since starting this blog, she has managed to buy a house and make a solid start on her retirement goals, and hopes to help others do the same. Here is her story:
In 2007, I was a gainfully employed 20-something with no debt but not a lot of knowledge about personal finance. It was a co-worker’s comment about Roth IRAs that sent me to the internet, searching for information. It was then that I realized that I really didn’t know a whole lot about personal finance and that my current financial situation was due a lot to inherent frugal tendencies, generous family members, a fear of debt, and good luck. While that was working for me, clearly I needed a better plan.
While I had no debt, I was also pretty much living paycheck to paycheck and not worrying about going over budget (I say this as if I had a real budget) because I had an emergency fund set aside to cover any overages.
Except that’s not what an emergency fund is for.
So I did a lot of research, read a lot of blogs, and decided that I needed a plan. I needed to budget. I needed to know what I was spending my money on. I needed to prepare for the future.
I decided to create a blog not only to make myself accountable to others but also to share the knowledge that I gained along the way. I’ve learned so much from my fellow bloggers, and I hope that my readers can find something useful in what I have to share as well.
I change my answer. If she’s not that good of a friend and there will be a reception later in the summer, don’t go.
If there’s going to be a reception later, do that. Explain that you can’t get the Friday off work. It’s going to be expensive and a pain, why not just fuzz the details. If you say you can’t get Friday off, you’re technically correct. But she’ll assume you actually asked. So no hard feelings all around.
I feel like anyone who has their wedding somewhere inconvenient for some guests totally understand when people don’t come. Our wedding is very inconvenient for many of our old friends, and I have no hard feelings towards anyone who doesn’t spend the time/money to come. I don’t WANT them to feel like the “have to” come, even if they would enjoy it once they were here.
Especially since there is a reception later, let yourself off the hook and explain sincerely that it is just too difficult, and write a really nice wedding card with your gift. 🙂 That’s what I’d want a friend to do!
Send a lovely gift and a heartfelt card. The only explanation required is “Sorry I couldn’t make it, but here’s to____________________ (insert something that you would say in a toast.)